Monday, March 10, 2014

How to Defend Against Zombies.

Zombies are an imminent threat that will be upon humanity in the next decade. I can feel it in my loins. Whether it comes from our own doing or the dark lords intentions; they are coming. The best way to defend yourself would to be to follow these steps. They are patented to assure your survival.




1) Don't make bonds with anyone. You could meet a sexy lady and fall in love, then boom. She is a zombie with no face and half a leg.


2) Learn how to kill silently. You don't want all of zombie Timbuktu getting all up in yo face. For the love of God, please kill quietly unless absolutely necessary to use a gun. (Bows, crossbows, machetes, karate, etc)


3) Find a safe spot away from any civilization. The last thing you need is some dingleberries that survived the zombie apocalypse taking your stuff. Plus you'll be away from all the zombies. Being away from zombies and dingleberries is good.


4) Watch the Walking Dead and you will see exactly what and what not to do. It is also possibly the greatest show ever (though the second half of the 4th season has been a bit slow).


5) Be in shape. You might have to run away for 2 days nonstop. There is literally no other way to go about escaping. You cannot be out of shape or else you will be disemboweled by millions of zombies.


With these rules you will survive. 60% of the time, these rules work all the time.

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